Build #58 - Words matter

Hey there,

You might know I became an ICF qualified coach last year.

I was surprised me that a lot of the coaching course (and homework) was about self-reflection.

Learning coaching was as much about me my coaching.

It meant time spent thinking about me: the ways I listen. How I react. The words I use. The non-verbal cues I give.

I learnt that my words have a big influence on the mental models of those around me.

And doing that hard work has definitely made me more self-reflective overall. I notice myself much more now (phew, that’s getting a bit meta).

Anyway, a couple of weeks back I noticed I’d slipped into a habit of using words that didn’t sit well with me.

Let me explain.

I work with founders. Most of the time, growth of one sort or another is on the agenda.

I noticed that in my conversations with founders I’d started saying things like:

“When I was an MD I grew the business from £x to £y turnover”

“As a COO I led growth from x to y employees.”

And I felt deeply uncomfortable as I realised the effect those words had on the person I was talking with.

The lazy choice of words implied causation.

They suggested that it was (almost) exclusively my input in those roles that led to the growth.

That’s just not the case.

I was in the right place to be part of the leadership teams in those businesses at the right time.

And we were lucky that our best efforts and hard work coincided with opportunities that led to growth.

I had plenty of influence and used my skills and experience as best I could. But did I cause the growth? Nope.

Through a poor choice of words I was setting founders up to subconsciously believe that they alone could cause growth as a leader.

Despite what much LinkedIn hyperbole would have you believe, that’s just not how it works.

The words matter. The emotions and concepts they evoke create mental representations that colour how we perceive the world around us.

Words influence self-talk, anxieties and confidence levels.

The narratives we construct directly shape mindsets and approaches.

I realised this was about more than just being precise with my words.

It was about taking responsibility for the impact my communication has on those around me.

It’s about being intentional in creating empowering narratives through my choice of words.

That’s it for this week. What resonates for you?

best,
-sw